Texts From Last Night

Last week was Bobby’s 21st birthday. So naturally like any American we decided to make that day a complete drinking fest, that would only be successful if Bobo could only talk, read, and write at a 4 year old level. After a dinner prepared in the palace (19 Donegan Ct.) the pub crawl commenced. Starting off in the middle of no where Galway at a pub where we watched the Man United game we slowly but surely began to walk towards civilization, and into the lights of Galway. 10 pubs later and 10 Jameson shots down the hatch for Bobby we stumbled into GPO, one of the nightclubs that Galway has to offer. To the great pleasure of the pub crawlers that still were hanging onto the night Bobby was at a state of mind that was below a 4 year old intelligence level. And of course for those who stuck out it out to the end Bobby was not the only one K.O. by Galway that night. After some fantastic dining at Supermac’s, Rebecca and I began to walk back to The Niland House. After laughing about how great of a body guard I would be for the both of us in the event of danger, Rebecca reassures me and says she has mace. Like a 7 year old boy in a toy shop I am mesmerized by this and demanded to see the bottle. I mean come on what person hasn’t thought of what it would be like to tear gas someone? I know I have. And now I know both sides of the story. Without feeling for the point where the mace will be sprayed from I push down on the bottle and got a first hand experience of what the creepy assailant would feel when they come to attack Rebecca. Second fastest sober up period in my life. Needless to say I ran the ¼ of a mile home just like Ray Charles plays the piano, all from memory. After possibly the quickest ¼ of a mile I have ever ran or the longest ¼ of a mile I have ever ran I arrived home. I couldn’t really tell you how long it took due to the fact that my eyes felt like they were walking across a fire pit like I was some circus performer. One hour later of running my eyes under the sink I went to bed with wet towels on both eyes praying that when I wake up in the morning I wont need Jesus’ second coming to perform a miracle. Thankfully I woke up and just like Jesus cured the blind man I had been healed, though not completely fully. Best part of the morning however was the text I received from Rebecca from the night before that read: “Seriously though, now you get to go home and tell everyone that you survived being maced in the face. By yourself…” I’m still holding out for Textsfromlastnight.com to respond but I have faith that it will be posted eventually. Lesson I learned: Mace is for girls, not Jimmy.